Stephanie (Updated 12/15!)
"Maybe I still need to help a lot of people: that's my purpose. That's all I see."
Stephanie was in trouble. When her mother died in 2005, she lost a friend, a mother and a drug buddy. She'd been drinking, using cocaine and smoking marijuana since before she was an adult, and that led her into a downward spiral. Since the age of 13 she'd been on the street,using drugs, relying on survival sex and not worrying about protecting herself. "I had so many unprotected partners, I figured I must be immune to HIV! If it could have happened to me, it would have long before now," she rationalized through most of the 1990's and early 2000's.
However, when her mother died and she was under eviction proceedings, she nearly hit bottom. A friend and occasional sex partner offered her a place to stay, but it came with a cost. Survival sex was the price of a roof over her head, and for two more years, her own private party continued. No one was as surprised as she was in February 2007 when she was diagnosed with AIDS. "He'd been HIV+ for years, but never told me until his illness became too much to hide." Stephanie stayed with him and nursed him through his illness until he died in 2009. By that point, she new she had to make other choices, and moved into an apartment with another longtime friend and sex partner, who was HIV negative. Their different HIV statuses didn't bother him, and they got her into treatment and started working on getting her healthy. It wasn't easy. She'd sometimes sell her medications and needed to get onto a DOT (Directly Observed Therapy) program, where a case manager would watch her take her meds each day. She still struggled with treatment adherence: she'd seen her mother struggle with prescription medications and was scared that she was already on the same path.
In 2012, a case of Pneumocystis pneumonia (PCP) had her coughing up blood, a continuing 103 degree fever, and living in so much pain that she couldn't lay in one position for very long. She had 34 T-Cells: it was her wake up call.
Stephanie started to attend support groups and work with a case manager to get her life back on track. She knew changes were in order, and a stable home environment was key. "I had fifteen cats. I'd sit in my room with my cats and not leave it. I had become a hermit." Working with HASA to manage her living situation, and another non-profit to get her finances under control, she started to figure out what she had to do to turn her life around.
In 2014, Stephanie came to Iris House to participate in our Harm Reduction Programs. "I have to keep myself occupied, and not so isolated, and in groups, I can do that and help others through their crises."
Through her work at Iris House and with support from other programs, Stephanie now has 257 T-Cells and an undetectable HIV load. She's got two cats, and spent the winter of 2015 working at Macy's.
"I've been there and done that," she said. "Now, it's time to help others, strive in life, keep taking my meds and get a full-time job."
UPDATE, DECEMBER 2015: Stephanie is now working as a part time staff member at Iris House for our Food and Nutrition and Administration departments and spoke from the stage of the Apollo Theater on World AIDS Day about her experiences and the need to keep funding women's support services! She was even featured on Fox News talking about the work of Iris House!
Stephanie's Speech:
Good Afternoon everyone!
My Name is Stephanie V, and I am a Latina Woman with H.I.V. Women have different needs than men. When I was diagnosed in 2007, I was in shock and in denial. I felt lost, alone, confused, and reckless. I thought that I would never be loved by anyone again.
I didn’t know much about H.I.V and I thought my life was over. In addition to the medical issues, I was facing more challenges like eviction and hunger!
Worst of all, I was of afraid of being recognized as an H.I.V positive woman because of the stigma, the fear of rejection by family members and friends,
and frankly even by myself. I was in denial and was in need of support from someone that I could confide and be honest with, someone who wouldn’t judge me for my status, but who would teach me about my body, the virus and help me with everyday living.
I needed someone who knew what it meant to be a young woman facing all of this alone.
I started to volunteer in Family Service’s Network doing outreach for the Brooklyn community. I attended trainings to learn what I had to do for myself! I went to several different agencies looking for support, but it wasn’t until I came to Iris House and found a community of women helping women that my process of growth began. I was enrolled In Harm Reduction services and began working on my issues.
I have been able to cry without judgement I have been able to feel comfortable and be Stephanie, be loved, be hugged, and appreciated.
I’m grateful for women like my case manager Maria, who has given me the courage and strength to see the light at the end of the tunnel. At Iris House, I’ve gone from client, to volunteer, to a staff member. Still, it's not easy. To this day, members of my family including my father don’t know my status, but having a support structure in place, filled with people who understand that my needs as a woman are critical.
I want more for myself, and I won’t stop seeking services, new opportunities to grow, or advocating for women like me until they all get the help they need.
Thank you.
My Name is Stephanie V, and I am a Latina Woman with H.I.V. Women have different needs than men. When I was diagnosed in 2007, I was in shock and in denial. I felt lost, alone, confused, and reckless. I thought that I would never be loved by anyone again.
I didn’t know much about H.I.V and I thought my life was over. In addition to the medical issues, I was facing more challenges like eviction and hunger!
Worst of all, I was of afraid of being recognized as an H.I.V positive woman because of the stigma, the fear of rejection by family members and friends,
and frankly even by myself. I was in denial and was in need of support from someone that I could confide and be honest with, someone who wouldn’t judge me for my status, but who would teach me about my body, the virus and help me with everyday living.
I needed someone who knew what it meant to be a young woman facing all of this alone.
I started to volunteer in Family Service’s Network doing outreach for the Brooklyn community. I attended trainings to learn what I had to do for myself! I went to several different agencies looking for support, but it wasn’t until I came to Iris House and found a community of women helping women that my process of growth began. I was enrolled In Harm Reduction services and began working on my issues.
I have been able to cry without judgement I have been able to feel comfortable and be Stephanie, be loved, be hugged, and appreciated.
I’m grateful for women like my case manager Maria, who has given me the courage and strength to see the light at the end of the tunnel. At Iris House, I’ve gone from client, to volunteer, to a staff member. Still, it's not easy. To this day, members of my family including my father don’t know my status, but having a support structure in place, filled with people who understand that my needs as a woman are critical.
I want more for myself, and I won’t stop seeking services, new opportunities to grow, or advocating for women like me until they all get the help they need.
Thank you.
